The latest camel/horse opinion poll shows people are still sharply divided as
to which animal is faster. As of today the poll shows 53% say a Horse is faster;
47% say a Camel is faster. If you have not voted yet, please
do so now.
Charges were raised, however, concerning voting
irregularities. It seems Money
Luckett was accused of stuffing the ballot box. Her email address
was on at least three votes, and a few votes had no email addresses, which led
to suspicions. The Online Register assures the populace that no tampering has
taken place. Money just hit the keyboard too many times. "Dang thing has
too many wires and buttons connected to it," she said.
The
thorny question began last week during normal morning coffee conversation at a
frequented restaurant, Chamoun's Rest Haven.
Anonymous sources claim the instigator of the contention was Willie
Campassi, famous hunting guide and wildlife expert. It seems he was
disgruntled over the price of a camel and a Chevy pickup (see
related story). A few observers interviewed charged he was just prejudiced
against camels, which are domesticated animals. His closest associations happen
to be squirrels, deer, and wild turkey (the feathered kind, though he has had
acquaintance with the liquid). Nonetheless, every morning Willie helps open the
cafe, sips his coffee and complains about the prices of camels and Chevy's to
the consternation the other patrons.
Now up until this time,
Lee Graves, a local attorney, has slipped in and out the cafe
with an apparent attitude of indifference. Without comment (a lawyer?), his
manner is to bury his head in The Clarion Ledger as
if his mind is consumed with the more essential matters of legislation and
jurisdiction. But when he heard the Preacher speak so
dogmatically about the superiority of the horse, his legal mind immediately
gravitated to the issue of separation of church and state.
The Clarion Ledger crumpled in his lap. "You know, don't you, "
Esquire Graves declared as if giving his opening statement before a jury, "That
it is illegal for a preacher to use his pulpit for political reasons. If you
show favoritism one way or the other, you are liable to lose your tax exemption."
The Preacher's face grew passionate red, feeling the wrath of the Almighty
broil within. "D__m the IRS he shouted! (obviously still clinging to the
outwarn superstition of damnation). They have no right telling the Church what
it can, or cannot preach! I will stand on my convictions come what may. If the
Bible says a horse is faster, I'm gonna preach it!"
In the
background from the corner booth James Hicks held up a paper
napkin with the inscription, "John 3:16" penned across it.
The Preacher opened his well worn Bible and quoted aloud from Jeremiah 4:13: "Behold,
He shall come up as clouds, and His chariots shall be as a whirlwind: HIS
HORSES ARE SWIFTER THAN EAGLES!"
Chafik wagged his head and muttered, "I dunn know....Wat
you tink, Red?"
Red Bradham, who normally doesn't need to be asked what he
thinks, was quick to the fray: "I remember distinctly Father
Carol's homily last Saturday from Psalm 33: 'An horse is a vain
thing for safety: neither shall he deliver any by his great strength.' Preacher,
I've told you, you don't know nothin' bout nothin.' All you do is sit there and
read them fancy books and play on your computer."
The Preacher
restrained himself from what he knew would be a vain engagement. He was saved
once again (not in the Armenian sense) "by the bell" as he heard the
distant chimes calling him to his morning appointment. But as he left the cozy
establishment, he endeavored, as usual, to have the final word: "You just
get yourself a camel, and put your money where your mouth is" (which might
not sound ecclesiastical, but for which he claims he has scriptural support).
The Weekend Edition shall continue the story...
