An odd coincidence has had repercussions since last week's dispute over the camel/horse controversy. As boisterous voices hurled barbs at each other during lunch hour, a quiet man of small proportions sat unnoticed at the counter. Father John Kerstin, silently ate his kibbie and cabbage amidst the flurry of dogmatic assertions. Though he only visits the Delta tradition known as the Rest Haven Restaurant about every few months, he is well known among the community having served the Clarksdale Catholic parish years ago.
Fr. Kerstin has always enjoyed the opportunity of not agreeing with everything that comes down the pipe from Rome. Hearing the import of the camel/horse debate prompted him to carry the issue beyond the vulgar tongues of the laity of the Khan on 61. So, when he arrived back at his office that afternoon he was soon on the phone to the Vatican.
"Your Holiness," he began, "The Scope's trial is about to be reversed vindicating my doctrine once for all. Darwin's error is about to be exposed! We are going to prove it with a race right here in Mississippi - camel versus horse. I am positive the horse will win proving once for all that God made it a distinct and unique creation from the beginning."
"I dunn know..." the Pope responded wagging his head slowly. "It is not entirely illogical that a camel has evolved from a horse. We have always used a camel in our Christmas pageant. Can't remember a horse. A donkey maybe. No, I think the Church had better stay with the camel." Without giving Fr. Kerstin time to respond, he asked, "And by the way...How's Chifik doing? Say hello to him and Louise for me, will you?"
Upon hanging up the phone the Pope immediately called together the Pontifical Academy of Sciences and published his decree: "Today...new knowledge from Clarksdale, Mississippi leads to the recognition of the theory of evolution as more than a hypothesis. It is the official position of the Church that a camel is faster than a horse."
This press release caused all sorts of commotion in conservative religious circles around the world. Fundamentalists everywhere were quick to condemn the statement as contradictory to the Bible. The Center For Biblical Literacy, an educational foundation located in Clarksdale, MS, formed a special task force to research the subject. Dr. Edward Bez, director of Biblical Husbandry Studies, considers the ramifications of this debate to be epic in proportion. "As a representative of the Reformed evangelical camp, I see this issue as one that may repair the centuries old breach between Protestantism and Catholicism. If the camel wins, I see nothing standing in the way of total reconciliation between the churches."
Meanwhile, members of the Preacher's congregation this Sunday heard a blistering sermon on "false prophets" and "false teachers" that would try to make believers saved by grace go back to the Old Testament Law. "Not once in the New Testament is there a mention of a camel!" he decried loudly, Bible in hand high above his head. "Well, except the one that went through the eye of a needle, but that's because he had no money. Anyway...all New Testament saints ride horses!" he shouted emphatically And with that he gave an altar call: "Repent! And your horses shall be white as snow! Revelation 19:14!" It is reported that several penitent saints made it to the front with vows to change their votes in the camel poll come Monday.
At the Online Register polls, camel supporters appear to have dropped off. As of Tuesday, October 29, the horse was ahead, 62% to the camel's 38%. Hartley Kittle attributes the decline with his observation that camels and camel supporters tend to be nocturnal creatures and slept too long due to the clock change over the weekend. Readers should keep in mind that Hartley Kittle (Delta Rent-All) hasn't yet rented any camels, and may be talking through his hat.
More to come...
